


Trading Places

by wanderer765



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Family, Gen, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6987076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderer765/pseuds/wanderer765
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry deals with the consequences of his choice to save his mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Choice

_I've been thinking about what Wells said, about us being married in the future and on earth 2...and I can't help but wonder if maybe we were meant to be together._

The future, other earths, other timelines, no matter what the scenario, they always existed. They somehow always found their way to each other.

_There's no space, no time, no way that we don't end up together._

It played in his head as he stood on the porch and watched her, the love of his life. He had to believe that no matter what he changed, their future together would always remain intact. He would never be able to go through with what he was about to do if he believed there could be any other outcome for them.

Even though he knew he was losing the version of Iris that was before him, he knew he would always love any version of her. So in a voice she could not hear, he said goodbye. He told her sorry. He mourned in that moment the love that they'd shared, the lifetime of memories he'd created with her, knowing, hoping that the life and memories they'd created somewhere else would be enough.

 

               ------------------------

 

She was alive.

He had finally saved her and given her back what was stolen from her all those years ago. Given himself a chance with his family, at a happiness he was sure he had never felt before. It would all be ok.

The defining moment in his life, the one moment that had steered every decision he had ever made no longer existed. He was free from the weight of it, free from the burden of death and was given new life.

 

              ----------------------

 

He came to and was sitting in his lab. He looked around and saw familiarity. The microscope Iris had given him for Christmas two years ago was in the exact spot it had been in his lab...in another life. He lifted his hand and dropped the pen he was holding, watching as it fell to the floor in real time.

It didn't slow down as he focused on the object, his reflex to catch it not fast enough. Not fast at all. He knew that losing his powers would be a consequence of his choice, but it still stung. The hallowed out feeling he said he had felt as he sat on the front porch with Iris...it found its way here, in this place where things were supposed to be happier.

"Hi sweetheart! Are you just about ready to go?"

Barry looked towards the door and saw his mother walking towards him, smiling, breathing, alive. He felt a well of tears build in his eyes, the smile he wore made its way to them.

"Umm..."

"You ok sweetie? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

He swallowed a lump in his throat. The memory of a life without her still raw in his mind, a reality he had still been living in just hours ago.

"I'm fi...fine. Just tired from reading all of these reports I guess."

He stood and walked towards her, she held her arms out for a hug.

"Well then let's head to Jitter's and get some food in you. Your dad isn't meeting us anymore though, he got called in for an emergency surgery."

They were both alive.

He leaned his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes, feeling his broken parts mend in her embrace. It was going to be ok.

 

              ----------------------

 

The hours ticked by. It was a fairly busy day at the precinct so he hadn't had a chance to truly tell how much was different. He had walked by Captain Singh earlier, but hadn't been able to bring himself to walk towards Joe's desk, afraid of what the name plate might say.

He left the precinct as the sun made it's descent from the sky and aimlessly walked the streets of the city. He saw familiar names on posters and on tv screens. He heard talk of a hero who roamed the streets, a man who went by the name Citizen Cold. _Could it be?._..

It didn't register to him the place his legs had lead him to until he was standing still, feet planted on the sidewalk, facing the house he grew up in. It looked the same. Quiet and peaceful, full of love and laughter that no longer belonged to him.

He had his own family now, but his heart ached for the one he'd left behind. He didn't know what to expect as he made his way up the steps, stopping on the second to last stair. His eyes cast downward, he stared at the spot he'd been sitting in not long ago. A soft wind blew past him and he could've sworn he heard her voice telling him softly ' _I love you Barry_...'

His heart skipped a beat at the thought of her, of the words that she'd said to him...of the version of her that existed behind the door he stood in front of.

He leaned his head against it, trying to muster up the courage to knock. His hand felt like it weighed a hundred pounds as he lifted it and tapped on the door. He could hear movement inside and his heart rate increased. The door slowly opened and a short, white haired woman stared up at him.

"Can I help you?"

Barry looked in behind her, but the house was dark.

"Umm, ya...yes. I'm looking for Iris West?"

The women's face scrunched up in confusion and she scratched the back of her head.

"Iris West?...the West's haven't lived in this house for more than fifteen years."

She watched his face change from nervous wonder to confusion, before she continued.

"Surely you know of the murder-suicide that took place here?..."

She shook her head.

"Poor girl."

Barry was trying to understand what the woman was saying to him, but nothing was making sense.

"Murder-suicide? What do you mean?...Is she...dead?"

"The girl? No, no. She lived. Her father went crazy one night and killed her mother right in front of her, before turning the gun on himself. I wanna say his name was Joe...yes, Joe West. He was a crazy son of a bitch. Always drunk from what I remember."

Barry's heart sunk. Joe, a murderer? Surely she had the wrong people, surely she had the story all wrong.

He heard a timer going off inside the house and snapped back to reality.

"Look son, I've gotta go finish making dinner. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, I hope you find what you're looking for."

And with that she shut the door and he was left to stand there alone.

Shock. Sadness. Disbelief.

There's no way all those terrible things had taken place here. This house had always been his safe haven. He couldn't accept that in another time and place this house was filled with hate and anger and...death. He made this decision so that he could be with his parents, have a life with them, but his mind had been fixated on Iris ever since he got there. What had become of her? The answer would have to wait until morning, so he headed to his parents house.

 

              ------------------------

 

As soon as Barry got to CCPD the next day he looked up the case file for the murder of Francine West. He scanned the pages as he walked towards the stairs of the main lobby.

**One survivor.**   
**Girl age 9.**   
**Iris West.**   
**Orphan.**   
**No family.**

The words jumped out at him, attacking him. **Orphan**. **No family**.

Just then he bumped into somebody.

"Hey! You should watch where you're going. "

Barry looked up as her voice rang in his ears.

Iris.

She was just as beautiful as she'd ever been, but there was a coldness to her that never existed in his Iris. She looked tired, worn out, and there was a sadness in her eyes that broke his heart.

"Jesus Allen, walk much? "

Eddie?

"Uh sorry Iris, I was just...really focused."

She looked at him and tilted her head to the side.

"I'm sorry...do I know you?"

The world fell silent and time stood still. He felt the color drain from his face, his heart all but stopped in his chest. He stared at her, a rush of every memory he'd ever had of her flooding his mind. He saw unfamiliarity reflecting in her eyes. She was looking at a complete stranger. Her eyes wandered down to the file he was holding.

"Why do you have my parents file?"

His mouth opened but nothing came out. He racked his mind for an explanation.

"I...I was just referencing this case for another case I'm working on."

She searched his eyes. Could she tell he was lying? Just as she was about to say something, Eddie interjected.

"This is Iris West, an old classmate of mine who just moved back to the area. Iris, this is Barry Allen."

She stayed searching his eyes and he hoped he wasn't giving himself away. Hoped that she couldn't see in him how much he loved her. How much he wanted to reach out to her and tell her how he'd missed her, even though they'd never even met.

"Nice to meet you Barry Allen."

She reached out her hand. He hesitated for a moment but then offered his hand in return.

"Ya, it's nice to meet you too..."

Their hands stayed connected and their eyes were locked on each other, maybe a moment too long.

He quickly ripped his hand away and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I have to go...lots of reading to catch up on so...nice meeting you though."

He walked as quickly as he could to his lab, keeping his head down in hopes that no one would see the tears that were streaming down his face. He threw the case file down on his desk and paced back and forth before finally giving in and curling up on the floor.

She didn't even know who he was.

It hurt more than anything had ever hurt before. He made this choice so that he could have his family back, but at what cost? He had been so certain that he'd always have her in his life, no matter what.

But he had stood there watching her look at him, with no feeling in her eyes.

He wasn't her Bear anymore and she wasn't his Iris.

He gave himself what he'd always wanted, but it had taken away her family and her happiness. Their happiness. He hated himself for being so selfish, for thinking that controlling what happened to him would be better than letting life run it's natural course.

She looked so broken, like she'd been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders her whole life. The burden of guilt and death he had always felt was now placed on her and he hated it.

"Bear? What's wrong?"

He looked up from where he sat and saw Patty Spivot making her way to him. She crouched down and placed a comforting arm on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

He backed away from her touch and stood up.

"Umm ya...it's just this case I'm reading. I got a little caught up in it is all. I'm fine."

He wiped his tears away and sat in his lab chair.

Patty walked over to his lab table.

"Remember that Christmas I gave this to you?"

He looked over at her and saw she had her head down and was playing with his microscope.

"Before this all got so complicated...us."

She looked up at him.

"I was hoping we could talk later, maybe meet up on the rooftop?"

She looked nervous and gave him a shy smile.

"Ya...sure," he said.

She lightly touched his arm as she walked past him and left him alone in his lab again.

Everything was all wrong. Those were his memories with Iris. The rooftop was their place. That Christmas was the turning point in _their_ relationship, but here those moments belonged to somebody else.

Just then he heard a knock on his door.

"Hi. Barry, right?"

Iris again.

He shook his head yes. She was playing with her hands as she took a step forward. She looked so fragile compared to the strong, confident Iris he knew.

"I was wondering if I could take a look at that file...my parents case that you were reading earlier? I haven't seen their faces in almost fifteen years...I can't even remember what my mothers eyes looked like, pathetic huh? I lost all my pictures years ago, ya know moving from foster house to foster house."

She sensed she was making Barry uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I just said all that to a complete stranger. I guess it's harder being back here then I thought it would be and my mind is kind of going a hundred miles a minute."

He swallowed hard before turning to pick up the file. He walked towards her and held it out to her.

"It's ok, I really don't mind. I know how hard it is to lose people you love...I'm so sorry...Iris."

His voice cracked a little when he said her name and it startled her a bit. She couldn't help but notice he'd been crying, but didn't mention it.

"So...how did you know my name? When you bumped into me downstairs, you said it. I get this feeling that you somehow know me but...I don't remember ever meeting you."

He gave her a sad smile.

"Eddie. He must've forgotten he had told me you were coming to town. When I saw him with you I figured you must be Iris."

"Oh."

She looked down at the file she held in her hands and traced a finger over her mothers name. She closed her eyes and quietly sighed. She slowly opened it and immediately covered her mouth with her hand. He could hear her breath hitch, and watched as her shoulders slumped.

She quickly closed the file and shoved it towards Barry. She wouldn't look up at him but he could see the tears sliding down her face.

"I can't do this."

She turned and ran out of his lab.

All he wanted to do was run after her, hold her in his arms and tell her it would all be ok.

He had to fix this. He had to give her back her family. It broke him seeing her like this, knowing that her life here was the way that it was because of him.

Her happiness was always what was most important to him. Always. How had he lost sight of that while he sat facing her on the porch, only concerned about his own happiness?

If her getting her family back meant that he would lose his again, he would do it. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.

He had to make it right, no matter what it took, he had to make it right.

 

 


	2. You're Pulling Away From Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm doing this a little backwards and posting the final chapter...or 2nd to last chapter, depending on how this all goes, before I write the middle section. 
> 
> I felt inspired to write this and instead of making it it's own story, I felt it fit with this story. Hopefully the jumping around doesn't confuse people! I'll probably write one or two chapters based on his time in the alternate timeline he's created, but I'm feeling a little inadequate in being able to pull it all off. SO, I need more time to gather my thoughts in order to make it compelling and all make sense. 
> 
> Hopefully you all stick around and don't hate me too much for pulling a Barry and jumping around realities :D Happy reading!

"You're pulling away from me," he said in a whisper, the hope he'd felt last night quickly diminishing.

She wouldn't look up at him. She just sat there with her head down and hands in her lap.

Last night he had come back and told her of what he had done. How he went back in time and saved his mom. How he'd lived in an alternate reality for months and of all the ruin and chaos his decision had created in another life.

He came back to her, where they sat together on her dad's porch on a warm spring evening and exchanged I love you's. A moment in time that was gone, erased. Replaced by a moment where he told her he was ready, but that he had to be honest about the choices he'd made that led him back to this night.

She had stayed silent, listening, as quiet tears streamed down her face. She'd let him talk, explain away all the reasons he felt he had to leave her before and how sorry he was now.

"I thought that things would work out there, that my friends and family would be happy. That I would be happy, but Iris I was wrong. I couldn't live with myself knowing that my gaining a parent meant that you lost yours. If I had known that, I never would've gone."

 

The words he had said to her last night played over in her head.

She sat on the corner of his bed, searching for the words she needed him to hear.

"What if things hadn't worked out Barry? What if you came back here to find that things had changed? You could've completely erased us...do you truly understand that? I know I told you last night that I understood why you did what you did and I still do...but I need time Barry. I feel like I can't trust you anymore. These decisions you keep making...the disregard for the effects of what your choices could have...did you even care that you could lose me forever?"

Her voice broke as she spoke that last sentence.

He moved closer to her and reached out to her, but she pulled away from his touch.

For the first time in the 24 hours since he'd returned, he felt the gravity of the situation and his heart ached.

"Iris..."

He moved back away from her and gave her the space she so clearly desired.

"Of course I thought about that but...I just...I don't know, I was so lost in that moment, I guess it didn't _really_ sink in.

But I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you I swear. You're the one person I can't lose, the one person who's happiness means more than my own. That's why I had to come back."

Iris stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes. She finally worked up the courage to look him in the eyes, as she fidgeted with her hands.

"I'm sorry Barry but I can't do this right now. I love you, more than I could ever tell you but...this hurts too much. You knew what could happen to us and you did it anyway. I can't get over that just yet...I need time. How do I know you won't turn around and change us again? Take away another kiss or another I love you?"

He rubbed at the back of his head as tears welled in his eyes. He nodded and looked away from her.

"Ya."

He sounded so defeated and it made her whole body ache.

"I really am sorry Iris, for everything. It kills me knowing that I hurt you and made you feel unimportant. You're THE most important person in my life and I know that I've screwed things up and made horrible decisions. I just hope that you can find a way to believe in me again and trust that I'll never take away another memory from you."

He looked up at her as he stood, placing his hands in his pockets.

"I hope so too Bear..."

She gave him a sad half smile.

"I...I should go."

She turned and quickly made her way downstairs, losing any composure she had left. She opened the front door and felt a familiar rush of air and arms wrap tightly around her as she stepped onto the front porch.

She felt the tension in her body release as they held each other and cried into each other's shoulders.

"I can't lose you either Barry," she told him between sobs. "Please, please never leave me again."

He squeezed her tightly.

"I won't. I won't Iris. I will never, ever leave you again. I promise."

They stayed there on the front porch, clinging to each other. Minutes passed but she couldn't bring herself to let go of him.

It would take some time to get back to a place where she could fully trust him again, but she had faith in them and felt hope that the love they shared would be enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out a little differently than I had planned. I was initially going to have Iris open the door to the West house and for Barry to find her married and with a child. But some friends wiser than me suggested I take a different path. Having Barry want to change things after seeing that Iris was happy in this new life would've further shown him as selfish, and his motivation for fixing this should be from a place of selflessness and love. Him choosing her happiness over his own. 
> 
> I'm excited to see where this goes. Thanks for reading!


End file.
